Archive for the ‘self improvement’ Category

Spending alone time, battling my vices

Sunday, February 24th, 2008

It’s just after noon on Sunday. I woke up early today (I’ve began for the past few weeks now to not sleep in on weekends) because I have a lot of things to do. Some of the things I have to do, I don’t feel like doing, but I know I have to do. However, I catch myself slacking of a bit, not fully focusing on the task that requires my to concentrate deeply (like writing this blog now!) Gahh!!! And I know this is a self-defeating behavior. Which is why I am putting this up here.

This is my blog, and when I first began writing, I wrote that among other things, I wanted this to be a place for me to collect my thoughts and help me think. Sometimes something as simple writing things down help me focus and collect my thoughts, viewing things from a different perspective better.

Writing forces me to concentrate on what I am thinking about, in one consecutive single-user thought process (no round-robin time quantas need to be assigned). The positive byproduct of this is that I focus more on the topic I am thinking about, and during the writing process, I may discover something flawed about what I had originally intended to write and correct my course before proceeding. Likewise, I may also discover something that I did not originally think about (perhaps an important subtopic to expand upon).

I’ve spent all morning, and haven’t been as productive as I have wanted to. I’m moving, but I’m just not moving frickin fast enough. I realize that distraction, my self-induced ADD, my inability to focus, my tendency for procrastination (because I don’t want to do this!), is a major impediment to my success in everything I do, and will be in anything I do, if I don’t manage this. I am battling this vice of mine, and I know I will win.

I am reminded of what Dave Lorenzo, a business coach, wrote:

We have all heard the expression, “It don’t come easy” in reference to success. This is the truth. Although success may appear to happen in an effortless fashion, someone somewhere worked very diligently behind the scenes to ensure optimal results. You must prepare your mind for the difficult tasks that lay ahead of you as you drive your way toward success. Just as a world-class athlete spends years training his body to take the punishment of intense competition, you must train your mind for the battles you will face on the road to making your goals a reality. Your mental training regime involves challenging yourself with completing increasingly difficult tasks that require you to be alone.

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Randy Komisar

Saturday, February 9th, 2008

Randy Komisar, when asked in an interview about how he would ever make his mark at VC firm like Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers when they have a track record of investment home runs like Google says,

It’s a high bar, there’s no question about it. But I don’t feel competitive against that. I mean I think that the goal for me is to help create great talent in great companies, and what I’m hoping that in the process, they create wealth and opportunities for others. That being said, trying to measure up against something like Google as an investment return, that would just make you anxious. I don’t feel very competitive with that. I just hope that I continue to do good work and contribute.

I think that’s great advice. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of benchmarking yourself against a rare one time astronomical success. It only makes you more anxious and cloud your judgement in decision making, spinning you into an uncontrolled perpetual fall downwards. The negative energy just feeds back into the system and snowballs.

I think I have fell into that trap of focusing on the wrong thing. I think the reason why I fell for that is because I am very competitive. It’s only natural that when I see someone doing better than me, that I only want to do even better–to win. I’m not a life-is-a-zero-sum game guy, but I am competitive.

I think the other reason is because sometimes I care too much about what other people think of me. And it is so easy for external parties to view you from the outside and say, “Why can’t he accomplish this feat? Someone else has already done it, and therefore it’s possible. If he can’t do it, then he must be a loser”. It’s easy to benchmark others against the best. Not so funny when others benchmark you the same way.

That’s exactly what happened in that interview. The interviewer asked Randy a question that same line of external judgement: “how do you think you are going to beat the record?” In my opinion, Randy’s answer was perfect, “Look, I know it’s difficult, but I don’t ask myself that every time I go to work, or in every investment decision I mae. I focus on what’s important really here: contributing, creating wealth and opportunities to the best I can” I think I would have bombed that test. I would have said something that displays my naivete like, “oh, that’s nothing–I’ll beat it.” Sounds Dilbert-ish.

Towards the end of the interview, Randy was asked what his recommendation was for people who starting out and looking for a profession. The interviewer asked if he would recommend his own career trajectory he took, for instance. Randy says,

You should question authority, question convention, question other people’s expectations. We live in a day and time when all things are possible for people who have the raw intelligence, energy, and dedication to reinvent things. And that includes reinventing themselves. The shame of it is when smart people conform to conventional expectations and miss out on the opportunities to live a creative life. Within that confine, almost anything can be a great profession and can be a good and purposeful life’s work. But first and foremost, it’s gotta be important to you.

Randy Komisar one of the mentors at the Stanford Technology Ventures Program.

The invisible skill

Sunday, December 16th, 2007

Interesting thing I read today: Much like how a sculptor’s work is the result of what is taken away, self-control can also be described in the same manner.

Self-control manifests largely in the absence of more obvious emotional fireworks. Signs include being unfazed under stress or handling a hostile person without lashing out in return. Another mundane example is time management: Keeping ourselves on a daily schedule demands self-control, if only to resist seemingly urgent but actually trivial demands, or the lure of time-wasting pleasures or distractions.

From the book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

That sounds to me like people who constantly repeat self-destructive (but addictive) behavior, such as gambling, drinking, .. <insert vice here>. Although it doesn’t even need to be that severe. These days, addiction to TV and mindlessly surfing the wonderful internet aimlessly, squandering precious time is also an indicator of lack of self-control.

It was a painful decision at that time, but I did give up TV. I haven’t replaced the remote’s battery and have been TV-free for more than half a year now. Do I miss it? Only if I start again I will. Have I missed out on the world? Not at all. I’ve also come to accept *not* completely finish reading all my RSS feeds. Even with my carefully culled list of RSS feeds, there’s just way too much information out there, more than I can consume, more than I have the time to separate wheat from chaff. Surfing the web for the pleasure of surfing, I have kept to a bare minimal.

The demon I am fighting today is waking up early. I’m more of a night owl, not really a morning person. But I have taken measures, including external accountability (with friendly bets with friends on how early I will wake up the next day, which if I fail to do, I buy them lunch). Sleep is a waste of time, I am trying to keep that to a minimum. I hate myself for indulging in it.
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Commiting to execution and excusitis

Tuesday, December 11th, 2007

The secret to success boils down to three simple words: Dream. Plan. Execute. It’s in committing to that last part–executing–where people often fall short. You could spend hours and hours envisioning a glorious life for yourself. You could outline on paper every single step you need to get there and every person who can help. But if you can’t commit to working the plan, regardless of how long it takes, you may as well take that piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in the recycle-bin.
– Nicholas Aretakis, author of No More Ramen

Love that quote. This resonates with me. Reminds me of Guy Kawasaki‘s term for this: people suffering from “excusitis”. Don’t you just love people who talk and talk but *never* frigging deliver (but continue to paint their bold and supposedly forward thinking vision)?

I know I suffer from mild excusitis sometimes–so I’m putting this out here for everyone to see. You can call me out on this if you see me talking but not delivering (tell me to STFU). I’m doing this because I never want to be like that.

Putting up with grief

Sunday, December 9th, 2007

Retired Stanford business professor James G. March asserts that “short-term reality is an insult to the vision. You have to be self-delusional to create change – it’s a useful craziness guided and founded on your clear identity and knowing what you must do.” What lessons in leadership can be learned from Don Quixote? According to March, “We live in a world that emphasizes realistic expectations and clear successes. Quixote had neither. But through failure after failure, he persists in his vision and his commitment. He persists because he knows who he is.” Builders are not only willing but indeed determined to put up with the grief that results from pursuing their dreams.

The above was from a book review on Amazon. Some powerful stuff. I had to take a few moments after reading that just to fully absorb it.