Posts Tagged ‘values’

Don’t lie to yourself, it only gets easier over time

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

I feel really compelled to write this, because I honestly hope I never forget this. Hence the reason why I’m filing this under my ‘things to remind myself’ tag. I’ve been learning a lot about people behavior, and even if this is a generally accepted/acknowledged view to you, putting this in writing helps me stand firm if I ever see myself falling into this trap by “writing it on the wall”.

For honest people, deceiving others is wrong. Yeah, but sometimes even the most honest people tell lies (but I’m talking about the big lies, not small ones). To deceive others, you have to first engage in self-deception. You deceive yourself that it’s ok to deceive others. Over time, with practice, it gets easier for honest people to hide the unacceptable parts of themselves, from themselves. If you find yourself glossing over aspects not aligned with your core values, and telling yourself that “everybody does this all the time, it’s not a big deal, life goes on”, then you know you are wrong and you need to stop immediately. Get professional help if you need to, because wrong is wrong, and honest people who take dishonest actions justifies it to themselves in whatever way that lets them still look at the mirror in the morning and not hate themselves – but they absolutely fail to realize that they’ve absolutely fell into “the deep end”.

So don’t fall into this slippery slope, if you start lying to yourself, it will only get easier over time. Don’t. Compromise.

The meaning of meaning

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

“Meaning is not something you stumble across, like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you, out of your own talent and understanding, out of the things you believe in, out of the things and people you love, out of the values for which you are willing to sacrifice something. The ingredients are there. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. If it does, then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account.”

From “Personal Renewal” by John Gardner, posted on PBS. It’s a long post, but full of gems:

We tend to think of youth and the active middle years as the years of commitment. As you get a little older, you’re told you’ve earned the right to think about yourself. But that’s a deadly prescription! People of every age need commitments beyond the self, need the meaning that commitments provide. Self-preoccupation is a prison, as every self-absorbed person finally knows. Commitments to larger purposes can get you out of prison.

Another significant ingredient in motivation is one’s attitude toward the future. Optimism is unfashionable today, particularly among intellectuals. Everyone makes fun of it. Someone said “Pessimists got that way by financing optimists.” But I am not pessimistic and I advise you not to be. As the fellow said, “I’d be a pessimist but it would never work.”

I can tell you that for renewal, a tough-minded optimism is best. The future is not shaped by people who don’t really believe in the future. Men and women of vitality have always been prepared to bet their futures, even their lives, on ventures of unknown outcome. If they had all looked before they leaped, we would still be crouched in caves sketching animal pictures on the wall,

“You’ve known such people — feeling secretly defeated, maybe somewhat sour and cynical, or perhaps just vaguely dispirited. Or maybe they just ran so hard for so long that somewhere along the line they forgot what it was they were running for [...] Life is hard. Just to keep on keeping on is sometimes an act of courage.”

“We learn by accepting the commitments of life, by playing the roles that life hands us (not necessarily the roles we would have chosen). We learn by growing older, by suffering, by loving, by bearing with the things we can’t change, by taking risks.” 

(more…)